March 27th, 2020

Am I Enough?

 I doubt I’m the only nurse who feels she needs to think ahead as far as possible, and do her very best to protect her loved ones, patients, and community. Nurses are taught to think critically, and at our best, proactively. There’s so many variables though, so many things I might not have thought of in advance. It has surprised me how much this feels like the stress I felt as a pediatric intensive care nurse at the beginning of my career, waiting for an admission known to be near death, and wondering, “Do I have all the equipment I need ready? Do I have all the skills this child will need?” All the while maintaining a calm exterior, for the sake of those I am protecting.

Tags: Exhausted, Scared

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Comments (4)

Comments (4)

Julianna, Of course, you are enough! As you are, you are enough! Nursing during this type of crisis is requiring a lot of skills that we (nurses) don't get a chance to put into practice too often. The intuitive part. As families and visitors are not allowed at the bedside, we get to become the familiar faces that give hope to our patients. Yes, many are not going to make it, but most of them are! What a gift to be present. Equipment and supply shortages are being addressed, but the spirit of caregiving is needed more than ever. Hang in there- you got this!

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Thank you for your sweet comment, Juliano. In my post, I am referring to my younger self, at the beginning of my career as a pediatric intensive care nurse (I transitioned to adult oncology years ago). And you are right, I am and always have been enough. My hope is that as COVID 19 cases ramp up in the US, and the projected shortages reach impact, nurses understand we can't control outcomes, only do our best.

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Hi Julianna:

Thanks for sharing your experience and your service in this stressful time. What are the biggest ethical challenges you're facing now? Can you share a story of resilience that inspires you to keep going?

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Cindy, I am not on the front lines. My post references my early career experiences as a pediatric intensive care nurse. Children die, despite our best efforts, and I learned through these experiences that as long as I do my best, I am not responsible for the outcome. It's my hope to convey this message to nurses who may be feeling overwhelmed by the challenges they will face caring for patients during the COVID 19 pandemic. I very much appreciate the caring and support this site provides for nurses. I'm glad you're here.

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